ARCHITECTURE...IS THAT RIGHT???

ALL MY LIFE UNTIL TEENAGE, PEOPLE ASKED ME WAD I WANTED TO BE...AND I ALWAYS SAID I WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT SO THAT I COULD ROAM THE VAST EXPANSES OF SPACE AND BE A TRAIL BLAZER FOR MY GENERATION AND THE ONES TO COME...BUT, AS GOD WOULD HAVE IT, MY FLIGHT DID NOT LIFT-OFF FROM ITS LAUNCH PAD...AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE WAS NO LAUNCH PAD TO LIFT OFF FROM...AND I LANDED IN A PROFESSION THAT HAD NO RELEVANCE TO OUTER SPACE WHAT SO EVER...ARCHITECTURE...
PEOPLE SAY ITS A NOBLE PROFESSION, FIT FOR ONLY A FEW BRAVE-HEARTS...AND LIKE MY ELDER BROTHER, MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO JOIN ENGINEERING AND GET A SAFE JOB IN A MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANY...HELL, I WANTED THAT TOO...BUT I DONT KNOW WAD HAPPENED N I LANDED IN ARCHITECTURE...
I WAS ALWAYS THE INTELLIGENT ONE IN THE FAMILY, AND MY PARENTS SAID THEY WERE NOT AT ALL SCARED ABOUT MY CAREER...AND ALL THEIR CONFIDENCE KEPT ME GOING HIGHER AND HIGHER IN MY GRADES.BUT AT THE SAME TIME, ANOTHER SORT OF CONFIDENCE WAS SPRINGING INSIDE ME...OVER-CONFIDENCE. I WAS SO DAMN SURE THAT I WAS DESTINED TO BE IN IIT THAT I LEFT IT ALL TO THE HANDS OF FATE. BUT IT WAS A MISTAKE THAT CHANGED THE WHOLE ORIENTATION OF MY LIFE...I NEARLY FLUNKED THE EXAMS AND THANX TO MY GOD-GIVEN APTITUDE, WAS BARELY ABLE TO SECURE A SEAT IN ARCHITECTURE IN ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS INSTITUTES FOR ARCHITECTURE IN INDIA.
PEOPLE SAY IT REQUIRES ONE BIG ROCK BOTTOM MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE FOR YOU TO COME BACK ON TRACK FOR GOOD. AND THAT WAS MY ROCK BOTTOM...I HAD LET MY PARENTS DOWN, I HAD LET MYSELF DOWN. ALL THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE MY EXAMPLE OF A PERFECT STUDENT AND A PERFECT SON TO THEIR OWN CHILDREN, STARTED MAKING FUN OF ME BEHIND MY BACK. ANYWAYS, I STARTED MY COLLEGE AND TRIED VERY HARD TO EARN THE TRUST I HAD LOST. THAT MEANT EXTRA EVERYTHING...I MADE IT A POINT TO TOP THE CLASS EVERY TIME...I WAS SUCCESSFUL AND EVERY ONE AROUND ME WAS HAPPY AGAIN... IT WAS NOT EASY THOUGH... I MEAN CONSTANT LACK OF SLEEP, ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS EATING HABITS, CONSTANT LOSS OF FRIENDS, CONSTANT RISE IN THE ENEMY- LIST... IT WAS ONE HELL OF A NUCLEAR DEAL...
BUT ALL WAS FINE UNTIL WE CAME TO THE FOURTH YEAR OF OUR DEGREE. IT WAS THE TIME WHEN THE FACT THAT I WAS DIFFERENT FROM MY B-TECH FRIENDS CAME SHOUTING BACK TO ME. WHEN MY FRIENDS WERE GETTING PLACED IN HUGE MULTI- NATIONAL FIRMS, I WAS THERE WITH THEM CHEERING THEM ON, BUT A SMALL DARK CORNER OF MY HEART REMINDED ME OF THE UNREALIZED DREAMS OF MY PARENTS AND ME... I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE REVELED IN THEIR JOY, BUT INSTEAD I WAS ENGULFED WITH SORROWS OF MY OWN. BUT IS THERE ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DONE??
I MEAN NOT CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I COULD HAVE STUDIED WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT, NOW WAS A DIFFERENT TIME FOR ME AND ALL THAT DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT I NOW FEEL GUILTY AND INTENSE BY JUST THE THOUGHT OF NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUTURE WOULD BE FOR ME. I MEAN I AM OK IN ARCHITECTURE AND ALL THAT, BUT THE FEAR OF REJECTION AND UNDER ACHIEVEMENT IS TOO OVER-WHELMING FOR ME TO HANDLE AND THE WORST PART IS THERE IS NOBODY TO SHARE IT WITH ME. ALL I CAN DO NOW IS KEEP AN OPEN MIND AND WORK HARD... BECAUSE IT WAS A MISTAKE TO FOOL MYSELF AND MY FAMILY AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY FOR CLOSURE.