RAINING EFFECT...

 

FOR AN ANGEL

 

photoshop

 

LIFE'S NOT ALL HAHA-HEHE

I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS THIS AT ONE POINT IN LIFE...AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT THIS WAS A STUPID PHRASE...U KNO...WE ALL FOCUS ON WHAT WE DON'T HAVE AND FORGET TO SAVOUR WHAT WE DO HAVE...BUT WHY...WHY SHOULD WE NOT FEEL JEALOUS, WHY NOT FEEL GREEDY, WHY NOT FEEL MISERABLE...WHY...I FOR ONE AM A HUGE JEALOUS PERSON...AND I CAN FIND A MILLION THINGS IN THE OTHER PERSON THAT I WISH TO HAVE...AND THAT REALLY KILLS ME INSIDE...LIKE THE THOUGHT THAT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN ON A FOREIGN HOLIDAY AND I HAVE'NT OR ALL MY CLASS-MATES DRINK AND SMOKE AND I DON'T...THESE THINGS REALLY MAKE ME JEALOUS...AND I ALWAYS TRY TO CONVERT THAT JEALOUSY INTO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE...MOSTLY...BUT SOMETIMES I SIT ON MY ROCKING CHAIR AND OPEN ONE BOX OF BISCUITS AFTER ANOTHER AND BROOD IT ALL AWAY...BUT NOW IS A VERY STRANGE TIME FOR ME...I MEAN I AM EXTRA SENSITIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING...I AM ALWAYS CRIBBING...I AM ALWAYS ARGUING...ITS LIKE I AM BEING PUSHED BY EVERYONE...

I NEVER USED TO BE LIKE THIS...I WAS A CONFIDENT BOY IN SCHOOL...BEST AT EVERYTHING...I WAS AT THE TOP OF MY GAME...LIFE FELT GOOD...AND THEN CAME MY 12TH...2005...THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE...AND I SAY THIS BECAUSE I HIT ROCK-BOTTOM...PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY...IT NEARLY PUSHED ME INTO KILLING MYSELF...AND NO ONE KNOWS THIS BUT I DID TRY IT ONCE OR TWICE...BUT I GUESS I DID NOT HAVE THE BALLS...AND THEN, AFTER MY 12TH RESULT AND MY AIEEE RESULT CAME OUT, I HIT PARANOID CITY...I MEAN...A TOTAL LOSS OF CONFIDENCE...AND TO ADD TO IT , MY COLLEGE-MATES WERE NO HELP AT ALL...I BECAME THE EASIEST TARGET AS I DID NOT TALK TO ANYONE...I WAS SHUNNED OUT LIKE A DAY OLD SANDWICH...I WAS ACCUSED OF THINGS I NEVER DID, COZ I NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO FIGHT FOR ME...AND IT DID NOT MATTER BECAUSE BY THEN I HAD TOTALLY RUINED MY LIFE...FEAR AND SELF-LOATHING HAD SET IN MY PERSONALITY...I HAD BECOME AN OSTRICH AMONGST A PACK OF HYENAS...

NO ONE CARED ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ME...EVERYONE JUST STEREOTYPED ME AND JUDGED ME...I BECAME A FAT STRANGE, ALMOST DECLARED GAY; GEEK WHICH MADE ME THE LAUGH OF THE WHOLE CLASS...AND IT DID NOT HURT AT ALL BECAUSE BY THEN I HAD STARTED TAKING PITY ON MYSELF...THAT IS THE LOWEST ANYONE CAN FALL IN HIS OWN EYES...I WAS MISERABLE...I WAS BROKEN...AND I WAS A SHIP-WRECK...

BUT TODAY, AFTER 3-4 YEARS OF JIBES AND TAUNTS, I HAVE DEVELOPED SOME CONFIDENCE IN ME, THANKS TO MY FRIENDS WHO STOOD BESIDES ME IN ALL THE MURKY WATERS THAT MY SHIP SAILED THROUGH...I JUST HOPE PEOPLE WHO MADE ME WHAT I WAS REALIZE THEIR MISTAKE...I CAN SIT HERE ALL DAY AND BLAME PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY DID TO ME...BUT BEFORE THEM ALL, I BLAME MYSELF...COZ' I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO RAG MYSELF OFF ALL THE CONFIDENCE...I GAVE EVERYONE THE LICENCE TO PUSH ME AROUND...I GUESS WHATS GONE IS GONE AND IS NOT COMING BACK...

DID THAT TIME DO ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE??? I WOULD SAY SO...AND IT WOULD TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO REPAIR IT...THE SAD THING IS, THOUGH, NO ONE HAS THE TIME OR PATIENCE TO UNDERSTAND ANYONE IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN HELL HOLE WE CALL OUR WORLD...EVERYONE IS SAD...EVERYONE IS DEPRESSED...BUT STILL THEY HAVE NO CURTSY TO TALK TO ANOTHER PERSON WHO SEEMS TO BE HAVING THE SAME EMOTIONS AS HIM...I GUESS AT THE END OF IT ALL, EVERYONE TRIES TO BE THE STRONGER PERSON...EVEN I TRY MY BEST...BUT ITS NOT WRONG TO ASK FOR SOME EMPATHY...I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO TAKE PITY ON ME, NOR DO I WANT THEM TO JUDGE ME...I WANT THEM TO UNDERSTAND ME...COZ' I KNOW LIFE IS NOT ALL HAHA-HEHE BUT EVEN I DESERVE MY SHARE OF HAPPINESS...AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF A DULL SITUATION, I WANT TO QUESTION THE DULL SITUATION...I HAVE CHICKENED OUT OF EVERYTHING MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I KNOW WHERE IT HAS TAKEN ME...I WANT TO TAKE CHANCES NOW...BECAUSE I KNOW TIME IS A TRICKY THING...YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT TURNS AGAINST YOU...

WALK THE LINE...

TODAY IN THE EVENING, I WAS ROAMING ABOUT THE ROOF BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ELECTRICITY...I WAS WALKING ALONG THE RIDGE OF THE TRIANGULAR CROSS-SECTION ROOF...AND I WAS BALANCING MYSELF TO PREVENT ME FROM SLIPPING OR FALLING DOWN...AND I JUST REALIZED HOW THAT IS WHAT WE DO EVERYDAY...WALK THE LINE...BALANCE EVERYTHING SO THAT WE DO NOT FALL OFF...HUMANS ARE THE MOST GIFTED BEINGS ON THIS PLANET...THEY ARE ALSO THE MOST CURSED, I THINK...I MEAN, ALL OUR LIFE WE KEEP WORKING FOR WHAT WE DO NOT HAVE...AND SELDOM CONCENTRATE ON WHAT WE HAVE...ALL OUR LIFE THERE IS A CONSTANT SENSE OF TENSION AND ANXIETY...EVERYONE AIMS AT ACHIEVING BALANCE...BALANCE IN LOVE, BALANCE IN WORK, BALANCE IN LEISURE...AND EVERYTHING ELSE TOO...BUT, FOR ONCE, I WOULD LOVE TO EXPERIENCE NON-BALANCE IN MY LIFE...AND NOT THE BAD KIND...BUT THE KIND WHERE EVERYTHING IS AUTOMATICALLY FIXED AND I JUST SAY..."LOOK HOW THAT WORKED OUT FOR ME."


AN IDEAL LIFE IS ALWAYS SOUGHT FOR, BUT SELDOM ACHIEVED...AND THE ONES WHO DO ACHIEVE IT ARE EITHER REFERRED TO BY THE SOCIETY AS SAINTS OR LUNATICS...SAINTS NOT VERY OFTEN, BUT LUNATICS ALWAYS...AND IS IT BECAUSE WE HAVE NO REFERENCE OF WHAT AN IDEAL LIFE IS AND WE CAN NOT FIGURE OUT THE PERSON WHO ACHIEVED IT, OR IS IT BECAUSE OUR JEALOUSY BLINDS US AND WE ONLY CHOSE TO SEE WHAT WE WANT...EITHER WAY, WE ACHIEVE BALANCE IN LIFE BY BLAMING IT ON THE OTHER PERSON AND LAUGHING ABOUT IT...AND THIS FEELING OF JEALOUSY SOMETIMES REDUCES HUMANS TO MERE COYOTES...

AS A LONER AND AN "OUT-CASTE" IN SOCIETY, I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE CORNERED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE JEALOUS OF YOU AND THEN PICKED ON...AND THE STRANGE THING IS ,NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY HATED EACH OTHER, THE FACT THAT THEY HATED ME ,BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER IN A STRANGE EVIL ENERGY...BUT I AM WALKING MY LINE...SO AS EVERYONE ELSE...AND WITH TIME I HAVE REALIZED WHENEVER A PERSON PICKS ON SOMEONE, TAUNTS SOMEONE OR RAGS SOMEONE, IT IS NOT BECAUSE HE HAS POWER OVER THE OTHER, BUT IT IS BECAUSE THE PERSON WANTS TO SHOW THAT HE IS CAPABLE OF HAVING POWER OVER THE OTHERS...BUT NO MATER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW, EVERYONE IS BALANCING THEIR LIVES AND JUST SIMPLY.....WALKING THE LINE

Okk….a lot is being said about 2012 and the whole world coming to an end….and so wanted to look at it myself before coming to any media or internet induced conclusions…it was not at all difficult to do that with a ton of information floating around on the web…first I saw this amazing documentary on ancient civilizations called “ QUEST FOR THE LOST CIVILIZATION BY GRAHAM HANCOCK”…and I say it was good because I am a class 1 skeptic and I was thoroughly impressed with his work…the thought of an ancient Asian civilization that spread the knowledge of astronomy and architecture to the civilizations in the western world is accelerating and by the looks of it, quiet possible…in that documentary, the Mayans and their calendars and “THE DAY OF DOOM” as some put it, comes quiet a few times…but as it was more an archeological documentary rather that something of a conspiracy video, I was left with only little information…and to my surprise, the more I dug into the whole 2012 thing, the more intriguing it became….i got this awesome site www.greatdreams.com/2012 and it had a lot of good info…I just googled 2012 and there it was…and I read and I read and I read…and I could not help but be scared….i mean the thought of a huge catastrophe that would kill everyone on the face of this planet is not very pleasant…I was sleepless for 2 nights thinking and picturising the events again and again and again…then I got to know that a movie called “2012” is also being made and would be released in India in November…and the fact that some director and if I am not wrong, SONY PICTURES are doing a movie….a full fledged movie on it, pushed my already paranoid mind to the edge….and one night, sitting in front of my computer, staring at my screen, I just had an epiphany …I just realized I have been living in probability my whole life…no one expected the tsunami or the hurricanes or the earthquakes either…I hope and expect there would be a nice downpour tomorrow so that the weather keeps cool…I hope…its such a strong phrase…two words that are pushing billions of people to live their life…the hope for tomorrow…I mean, I can only hope to be alive the very next minute…its all hope….all maybe…I mean…who can guarantee me that the earth is safe till 2012…is there no probability that maybe a massive earthquake could kill millions in maybe a week from now…is there no probability that something in space happens and our planet does not even survive to collide by the famed PLANET X…its all probability, all maybe…and so, I decided….whatever happens in 2012, the world comes to an end or we celebrate the new year 2013 with a blast, there is no reason to live in constant fear…because, lets face it, we have no options….we have nowhere to go…